


Not A Fairy Tale

by jmbullet



Category: Sabaton (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-17 14:32:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8147545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jmbullet/pseuds/jmbullet
Summary: Multi-chapter sequel to Metal Machine. Chris and Joakim figure out what they want.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is written from Chris' point of view.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t know or own Sabaton. This is pure fiction. Any resemblance to reality is strictly coincidental. This story was all written by myself.

 

I woke up to the feeling of Jocke’s arm pressing against my belly. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but with a full bladder, the feeling wasn’t quite as pleasant as it could have been; I had to get up. Carefully, I grabbed his hand and put his arm out of the way. I rolled over and straddled him to get to the aisle side of the bed. Although I winced a little when I realized how sore my ass felt, I couldn’t help but smile as I noticed the angelic look on Joakim’s sleeping face. This wasn’t his usual expression. Jocke is one of the manliest guys I know, yet, at that precise moment, he looked pure, innocent, almost childish. I slowly pulled the curtain aside, making sure to pull the blankets over him as I got up so that he wouldn’t get cold.

Once I was out of the bunk, I closed the curtain and quietly headed downstairs to the bathroom. I didn't want to wake anyone, especially since the other guys had gone out the previous night. I wondered if they had had as much fun as Jocke and I did while they were gone. As I was using the toilet, a knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Just a minute, I'm almost done," I said out loud.

"Hurry up or I'm going to piss myself," said the voice that I instantly recognized as Hannes.

As I opened the door, he rushed past me to use the toilet. When he finally relaxed he looked at me and only then did I realize I had no underwear on.

"Did you sleep naked?" He asked

"It seems so; does it bother you?"

"Of course not, I was just asking. Did Jocke sleep naked too?"

"How would I know how Joakim slept?"

"Well, when we came back, his bunk was empty, so we wanted to ask you where he had gone, but then we found you two spooning in yours. So either you have a really bad memory or you're trying to hide something from me," Hannes explained.

"Okay. Yes, he was naked too." I admitted.

“So, how was it?”

“How was what? Spooning? We’re both chubby guys, so I guess that would make spooning comfortable for pretty much anyone.”

“Yeah, spooning, sure. Rörland, I’m not a fucking idiot, Jocke’s gay, you guys took ages to shower, you were alone in the dressing room, then you told us you needed to rest, had some fans take pictures of you two hand in hand,”

Pictures? Hand in hand? God…

“Pictures?”

“Yeah, they were all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram a few minutes after we got to the bar.”

“Great!” I said, annoyed.

“Yeah that, and you’ve slept in the same bunk, naked, and you’re telling me you’ve only been spooning? This is the same kind of stuff that went on with Thobbe, isn’t it?”

Oh fuck, so he knew about Thobbe too?

“Thobbe? What does Thobbe have to do with any of this?” I asked

“Come on, I’ve seen how you two looked at each other, and just how hurt you seemed to be when he left. It’s okay dude, you can be with whoever you want, it doesn’t bother me, I just want to know what’s going on.”

“Let’s just say that I don’t think that Thobbe and I will be together again. Not in this way. He left the band so that he could be with his wife all the time. That’s not really great news for me in that sense. He didn’t even explain things to me in detail. I didn’t know he was planning to leave until he told the four of us that morning” I said, holding back my tears.

“You poor thing!” He said, hugging me. I couldn’t hold back anymore and started crying. “Shhh, it’s okay dude, you’re going to be alright.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be telling you all of this.”

“Why not? It’s me who asked in the first place. And I’m happy to help if you need anything, really. I was just worried that Jocke would be your rebound fuck, because that could lead to other issues.”

A rebound? Who did he think he was?

“Nah, Jocke’s not a rebound. I don’t know... Honestly, right now, I want him to hold me tight every night. Right now, I want to leave my girlfriend and come out as gay and be with him openly.”

Maybe.

“Does he know that? It seems a bit sudden, don’t you think?”

“Well yes, of course it’s sudden. It all happened yesterday. But you know, he’s not the first guy I’ve been with, but he’s the first guy I kind of think I could have a future with.”

“Isn’t that perhaps just because he’s already out, so you feel it would be easier for him?”

“Are you a goddamn shrink?”

“Nope, just a drummer, and your friend. And you guys better tell Pär you’re together before he figures it out on his own, because he will see the business side first and he’ll think it’s harmful to the band.”

What the fuck was he going on about?

“So Pär wants to keep the homophobic fans?”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the fans, really. I don’t think Pär cares about that. However, I’m pretty sure that he cares about how bad things would get if you and Jocke became a couple and then broke up. You know how intense Jocke gets…”

Breaking up? Now that’s a scary thought.

“Yeah, I guess that would be bad, I’ll think about it.”

Crap… Did Jocke even want to be with me?

“Okay. Now go back to him, he’s going to wonder what’s taking you so long, isn’t he?”

“Sometimes I wonder how you can be so wise, at your age.”

“I’m going to be a father soon; I have to be wise.”

“Right... thank you. I’m going to go take care of the hot guy in my bunk now.”

“Don’t make too much noise,”

“I’ll make sure he’s quiet,” I said and winked as I went back upstairs.

When I climbed back into my bunk, I cuddled up to Jocke. The feeling of his warm body against my cold skin was heavenly. I nearly fell asleep before I heard my phone ring. I tried to retrieve it without waking Joakim but it was all in vain, the noise from the ringtone woke him up before I could even find the damned device and he handed it to me without saying a word. I could only hope he hadn’t seen Thobbe’s face popping up on the screen before I turned off the phone and shoved it back between the wall and the mattress. I was not prepared for this.

“Why didn’t you pick it up?” he asked.

“Good morning beautiful,” I replied sarcastically.

“Look, I know it was Thobbe. I don’t mind. You can speak to him. You can also speak to your girlfriend. I don’t mind. As long as you’re not going after anyone else, I can deal with them for now.”

For now?

“Jocke, I don’t want to speak with them now. Or ever again, I guess. Not in that way. Don’t make it more complicated than it already is.”

“So we’re not even 24 hours into this thing and you’re already pulling emotional crap on me?”

This thing? So we’re a thing now?

“I’m sorry that I don’t know how to handle this, I thought you’d rather not face the world, I thought we could enjoy our bubble some more before somebody bursts it,” I explained, burying my face into his shoulder.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, lifting my chin up with his fingers. “We’ve got this. It doesn’t have to be a fairy tale. I think you’re hot and you’re a great guy, I’m not looking for something complicated. Right now all I want is to hold you tight, sleep with you, and see you smile. I want to be your friend, your lover and a shoulder you can lean on.”

I guessed I could accept that. But still, why hadn’t he said the b word?

“So you don’t want to be my boyfriend?”

“Oh trust me sweetheart, I would love to be your boyfriend. But I’m not going to be your boyfriend while you still have a girlfriend. Or another boyfriend, for that matter.”

“Thobbe’s not my boyfriend.”

“Well that’s good, that’s one less person for you to dump before you get to enjoy the full Jocke experience.”

“The full Jocke experience huh? Seems fun.”

“You’ll find out when you unlock that level, princess” He said.

Princess, again? This was annoying.

“Could you not?”

“Excuse me, your majesty. I have a bad case of morning wood that just won’t go down, would your royal lips mind resolving this issue?”

All of a sudden, before I could say a word, the curtain opened to reveal a slightly angry Pär.

“No morning blowjob for either of you guys, you’ve woken everyone up with your soap opera. Now Chris, put some clothes on and go make breakfast for everyone. Jocke, get dressed, you and I need to have a conversation.”

“But Pär,” Jocke replied.

Never had I seen him look so frightened before.

“No buts, you’re coming with me.” Pär said with a stern voice.

Uh oh. I could only hope this wasn’t going to cost me my job. Or worse, Joakim.


	2. Chapter 2

“So Tommy, how would you like your eggs this morning?” I asked, trying to take my mind off Joakim and Pär’s discussion that was going on in the driver’s bedroom.

“You’re making me breakfast for real? Sweet! I’ll have scrambled eggs.”

“How many?”

“Two, if there is enough for everyone.”

“Yeah there should be enough, unless Hannes wants to eat a full carton,” I said, glancing at Hannes.

“Hey, I’m an expectant father, I need a lot of energy,” Hannes joked.

I couldn’t keep myself from rolling my eyes at him.

“Hey, it’s all going to be alright, Pär is probably just jealous because you and Jocke got it on together and he’s all frustrated because he’s not getting any,” he continued.

“I hope so,” I said while I served Tommy his eggs.

When Jocke and Pär emerged from the driver’s room, Pär walked up to me and apologized.

“You know what, this is none of my business. I really hope you two work out if that’s what you want,” he said and hugged me.

“Thank you, this means a lot to me.” I replied

It sure did.

“No hard feelings?” He asked.

“It’s all good,” I replied.

I wasn’t going to hold grudges, especially not at that time. I needed my friends more than ever.

“I’m starving! Can I have you for breakfast?” Jocke asked, hugging me from behind and kissing my neck. I chuckled.

“Are you two going to be all over each other all the time?” Pär asked.

Yes.

“Should we take this upstairs?” Jocke enquired.

“Seriously, Joakim? We’re staying at a hotel tonight, and obviously, we’re switching roommates. Then you can have all the sex you want while Tommy and I sleep peacefully. Until then, you behave,” Pär insisted.

“Sorry,” Joakim apologized and let go of me.

“So, what is the schedule for today?” I asked. I had no idea what we were doing next. Joakim and Pär were usually the ones who took care of all that stuff.

“Currently, we’re about 200 kilometers away from the venue, so when we get there, the crew will unload the truck. While they prepare the stage, a cab will come pick us up to drive us to the signing session. We are scheduled for 2 hours there. After that, we’ll go back to the venue, have the sound check, then it’s dinner and then show time. Apparently, the hotel is in the same building as the venue, so we can actually check in right after dinner and go straight to our rooms after the show. And tomorrow, we only have to drive for 200 more kilometers, so we don’t have to wake up early,” Pär explained.

Sweet. That would definitely give us more than enough time for great sex and still allow us to get a good night’s sleep.

I picked up my guitar and started playing. There wasn’t much to do when travelling and I didn’t feel like watching the movie the guys put on. Tommy joined me and we decided to rehearse a bit. After all, he was a newcomer to Sabaton and as good as he was, there were still some details that he wanted to improve and I was more than happy to help.

“Hey Chris, why don’t you teach Tommy how to play Gay Division?” Hannes asked.

I burst out laughing. When Thobbe and I first played Gay Division, it was just after our first night as lovers, and we thought it was hilarious that the guys thought it was only a joke. Such a fun memory.

“Gay Division?” Tommy asked.

“Yeah, it was voted as our all-time best song by some fan page on Facebook, actually.” I replied, and started strumming the chords.

Tommy, being the great guitarist he is, picked it up by ear almost instantly.

“They are the panzer elite, born to compete, never retreat, GAYYYYY DIVISION” everyone sung, and Tommy giggled.

“Living or dead, always ahead, fed by your dread, GAYYY DIVISION,” Tommy joined in with the singing.

Just what you would expect a bunch of idiots on tour to do, really. It was a pretty normal day for us. Joakim ate all the popcorn that Pär had made, as usual. Hannes was watching the show Nightwish played at Wacken 2013 on his laptop, completely oblivious to the fact that we knew he was watching it. Not that we minded, it was just really funny how he pretended he was doing other stuff while being a total fanboy of his girlfriend.

Meanwhile, I was still avoiding my phone. More precisely, Thobbe and Julia. As much as I wanted to be with Joakim, I knew it was going to be hard to leave her. And why the hell had Thobbe called me? Maybe he missed me already… I sure missed him, but moving on was the right thing to do.

Could one end a 5 year, live-in relationship by text message? That would be savage, of course I couldn’t do that. On the phone wasn’t much better either. This was going to have to wait until I was back in Sweden. That way, I could move out as soon as I told her. Where would I live though? I wasn’t sure I wanted to live with Joakim just yet either. And what the hell was I supposed to tell her? “Sorry honey, we’re done, I slept with Thobbe back in 2012 and he made me realize I was bi, and then we were pretty much a couple on tour, then he left the band and me for his wife so I slept with Joakim and I’m not even sure that I’m bi anymore, I think I’m gay. Have a good life.” Of course I couldn’t tell her that.

It’s not like I could tell my parents so easily either. “Hey mom, I’m leaving my girlfriend and ending all hopes you had of ever having grandchildren, by the way, I’m gay and I’ve slept with two of my bandmates,” didn’t seem like very pleasant message to receive from your son when you’re a rather conservative person.

Why did Thobbe and I even carry on heterosexual relationships for that long? Why didn’t I leaver her right after I first slept with him? I had waited way too long and I was stuck in a crappy situation.

Soon the bus slowed down and I realized we were finally exiting the highway and driving downtown. When we got to the venue, there was no time to waste, and we were ushered into a taxi. Before we knew it, we were sitting at a table, signing autographs and taking pictures with fans.

And then it happened.

“May I have a picture with you and your boyfriend?” A girl asked. She couldn’t have been older than 16 years old. I had no idea what to tell her.

“My boyfriend?” I replied, daring her to explain her question.

“Joakim. I saw the pictures this morning, you two make such a cute couple, I want you to know that I support gay rights, and you’re a great example of courage, I know there is a lot of homophobia going on in the metal scene.”

“That’s really nice of you, but actually, we are not gay at all,” Joakim interrupted. “You can still have a picture with us if you’d like, of course,” He continued.

Somehow, my heart shattered when I heard his words.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought with you holding hands in public,” she apologized.

“No problem, hand me your phone, let’s take a selfie together,” I said, struggling not to start crying. Thobbe had probably seen the pictures, too. Dammit! That was probably why he had called me in the morning.

I lost count of how many fans asked if Jocke and I were a couple, or commented about how good of a couple we made, and every time, Joakim replied that we were straight and that nothing was going on between the two of us. Why the hell would he even do that, I thought it was basic public knowledge that he was gay, although I got that he wanted to avoid spreading rumors. He should at least have taken my feelings into consideration and neither deny nor confirm it.

After the session ended, I asked Jocke to do the sound check for me. I had to speak to Thobbe, to make sure he hadn’t got the wrong idea, and of course, to make sure he would not speak to Julia about any of that. Since she wasn’t really good with computers and didn’t use social media all that much, I still believed it was plausible that she would never see the pictures. I just hoped I was right.

However, when I turned on my phone, the screen showed 3 missed calls from Thobbe, 1 from Julia, 2 from my mother, 5 texts from Thobbe, 13 from Julia and 6 from my mother. I sure was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris calls his mother

I decided not to read the text messages and call my mother first. My hands were shaking as I held the phone to my ear, anxiously waiting for her to answer. When she picked up the call, her voice sounded strained and shaky.

"Hello-oh?" She sobbed.

"Mom, it’s me," I said, hoping she wouldn’t hang up.

"Oh Chris, it’s terrible," she said. I could hear her sniffling in between words.

"Mom, listen, it’s all going to be alright," I said, trying to reassure her.

"No," she sobbed.

"I’m so sorry for putting you and dad through this, I"

She cut me off.

"Christoffer, your dad…"

Why was she using my full name? Nobody ever called me Christoffer.

"My dad?"

"Dad had a stroke this morning. He didn’t make it. I’m sorry Chris, he’s… he died." she sobbed.

What?

No.

"No, this isn’t right, he’s in good shape… He’s so healthy, he can’t just die suddenly like this. He’s just 60, he’s too young to go," I said as I felt my eyes water and my heart get heavy.

"He’s gone, I’m sorry you had to find out on the phone, and on the second day of the tour. We’ll have him cremated and the funeral can wait until you get home."

A funeral? I was not prepared for this.

"Was he in any pain?" I asked. I had to know.

"The doctors said that he was probably confused but he should not have felt pain from how it happened."

"At least," Yeah. At least he hadn’t suffered. I wanted to see him before he was cremated though.

"When will you be back?"

"I don’t know, I would like to see Dad before he is cremated, I will try to get someone to replace me for tomorrow’s show and I will leave after tonight’s show."

"You’ll never find anyone on such a short notice."

"Thobbe knows all the songs, if he catches a flight today he’ll be ready to play tomorrow."

I was hoping he would say yes.

"You always speak so highly of Thobbe, you guys are really good friends, aren’t you?"

Oh mom, if only you knew.

"Of course mom, as I am with the rest of the band too. Look, just wait for me to come home, okay?"

"Alright sweetie, I will ask them to preserve him until you get here. I suppose that you have not spoken to Julia yet?"

"No, why?"

"She was here when it happened."

"Why?"

"She said she needed to talk to us, but before she could tell us what was wrong, Dad collapsed and we had to call an ambulance and everything so she left without telling me what had happened. She tried to call you and text you, but your phone went straight to voicemail."

Oh, so that was a close call.

"Yes, well someone else called me before she did and I had no intention of speaking to them so I switched the phone off. I’ll call her back as soon as we hang up."

Or not…

"Who was calling you that early in the morning? Everyone who knows you knows you need to sleep after a show, so if they were calling you, they must have had a good reason."

"It doesn’t matter."

"Yes it does, Chris, have you been cheating on Julia? The fact you’re not willing to tell your own mother who was calling you is pretty weird."

Oh crap.

"No, I haven’t cheated on her. Why would I have? It was just Thobbe calling me."

"Okay, so your best friend calls you and you shut the phone off instead of picking it up. Sure. Did you two have a fight?"

Not yet, but we would soon, because he left me and then I slept with Joakim. Of course I couldn’t tell her that, not on the phone, and not that way.

"It’s nothing serious, mom. I will call him back after I’ve spoken to Julia."

"She looked very upset when she got here, are you sure everything is alright with her?"

"Mom, I have told you, and I will tell you again, everything is alright with Julia. Look, I need to figure out how to get back home and speak to the band about all of this. I’ll call you back, okay?"

"Alright, Christoffer. I love you, please take care, okay?"

"I love you too Mom, don’t worry, it’s all going to be alright. I’ll be back home before you know it."

Yeah, I would be, if Thobbe forgave me.

I hung up the phone and waited for the guys to finish the soundcheck. When the guys walked back to the dressing room, they found me in tears, barely able to speak a full sentence. Jocke immediately hugged me.

"What’s wrong?" He asked with a concerned tone.

"It’s my d-dad," I sobbed, "He’s dead."

"Oh Chris, I’m so sorry," he said as I felt him stroke my hair and embrace me tighter.

"I need to go back to Sweden for a few days. I’ll call Thobbe so that he can replace me for those shows." I said.

"Hey, it’s okay, we can cancel those shows and reschedule them later. I want to go with you, you shouldn’t go through this alone," he said, his voice unusually soft.

"Jocke, can I have a word with you?" Pär snapped.

Uh oh. This didn’t sound good.

When Jocke let me go, I sat down on the couch. Tommy and Hannes sat on either sides of me before offering me their condolences and hugging me. Pär and Jocke disappeared in the next room, but the walls were pretty thin and we could hear everything that was going on. It may have been because they were shouting at each other.

"Are you fucking serious?" Pär asked.

"About what? What is it again?" Jocke replied.

"Cancelling shows, really? Just so that you could get laid more easily, by taking advantage of a grieving friend?"

"Really? You think I wanna go back to Sweden with Chris to get laid? When did you get such a dirty mind? Besides, I get laid more often than you do."

"Yes, because some of us actually respect each other’s feelings."

"What?"

"Remember when I had to go home for my mom’s surgery… We were together at that time, and you never even offered to come. No, instead, you just told me to leave my bass there so that you could play it for the shows I had to miss."

"Okay, so you’re jealous, that’s the problem."

"I am not jealous."

"Alright, then why do you care?"

"Because we have never any cancelled show. And because you were the one who used to say love between two bandmates was a bad idea and oh yes, I can quote your exact words: I do love you Pär, more than I will ever love anyone, but we can’t stay together, if we do, the band will fail, and you know we both want the band to succeed."

Fuck. So Pär was still bitter about their time together.

"So you’re jealous," Jocke continued.

"No, you’re missing the point. I’m just saying that there are too many people that we will let down if we do not play these shows. Yes, it’s very, terribly sad that Chris’ dad died, but the most logical solution is to hire a replacement for Chris until he’s ready to come back. I’m certain that if we call Thobbe, he’ll accept to come."

"Chris needs me. I need to comfort him, look at how sad he was," Joakim said.

He was right. I did need him.

"Chris will have all of his family to help him cope, and oh, right, I forgot, his girlfriend."

Oh fuck. Not that again?

"Don’t be ridiculous, Pär."

"Would you like me to call her and explain in great details how you and- oh that’s right, Thobbe, slept with Chris while he was on the road?"

Fuck, now everyone knew. Hannes and Tommy kept rubbing my back as I cried in silence, listening to the fight.

"Why would you do such a thing? It’s okay, I’ll stay, we won’t cancel any shows, but don’t make this harder for Chris than it already is."

"I’m tired of your shit, Jocke. When it’s about me, it never matters, but when it’s about anyone else, then it’s a big deal."

"Pär, I don’t believe we remember the same things. Do you remember when, oh, yeah, when I wanted to come out as a couple to the old band members and you said it was a bad idea and that we should keep it a secret?"

"Oh yeah, and I don’t suppose you remember that Christmas morning when I asked you to marry me?"

WHAT?

Tommy, Hannes and I exchanged looks of disbelief as Joakim and Pär kept on arguing.

"You know what, Pär? I don’t care anymore. Chris needs me, and I’m going to be there for him."

"Sure, do that, but don’t come crying to me when Thobbe and Chris get back together and you end up alone."

Thobbe and I? After how he had dumped me, I knew we were done.

Joakim was visibly pissed off when he got back into the dressing room.

"Jocke," I said softly, trying to get him to calm down.

"Come here, Chris," he said and I got up to hug him. As soon as he was close enough, he took me into his arms, locking me into a tight embrace.

I started sobbing again.

"Shhh, it’s all going to be okay," Jocke said as I felt tears pouring down my face.

I could only hope he was right.


End file.
